A Not So Happy New Year
by Cabenson82
Summary: Alex tries to make it through her first new year without Olivia.


_**I know it's been a while, I promise to try and post more often in the new year.**_

* * *

Alex danced to the beat of the music as Abbie rubbed up against her back, the other bodies in the room pushing them closer together.

Abbie leaned closer and yelled into Alex's ear. "I need a drink. You want anything?"

"YES! I can't believe how hot it is in here. "Alex followed Abbie to the bar and grabbed a bottle of water.

Abbie popped the cap off a beer and downed half of it and looked her friend up and down. "I'm glad to see you're having a good time."

Alex shrugged and downed the shot of tequila that was placed in front of her. "Just going with the motions Ab. The last few months without Liv have been hell."

"Lexie, I know it hasn't been easy but you've handled it like a champ." Abbie pulled her friend closer and kissed her temple. "You know Liv wouldn't want you to shut yourself off."

Alex rubbed her temples and looked out over their friends dancing and having a good time. "I know you're right Abs, that's why Noah and I came up here to spend Christmas and New Years with you and Rena."

"And we're very glad you did." Abbie rubbed Alex's shoulder and steered her towards the den. "We've loved having you guys here with us."

"You two are the best friends anyone could ask for." Alex took Abbie into her arms and squeezed her tight. "Speaking of, where did your wife get off to?"

Abbie looked back into the living room. "Last time I saw her she was headed into the kitchen to put more snacks in the oven."

"Always the hostess with the mostest." Alex laughed as she pulled Abbie back to the dance floor.

* * *

Serena pulled the baking sheet out of the over and started to plate the stuffed mushroom caps. "I can't believe how great this party turned out."

"Why are you surprised?" Alex asked taking a cap off the tray and blowing on it before she popped it into her mouth. "You always have a great turnout for your parties."

"Well with the party being last minute and all I wasn't sure who all would turn up." Serena pulled another tray out of the over and filled another plater with bacon wrapped scallops.

Alex held out a little plate and smiled as Serena gave her a few. "You always have the best food."

"You just like it when someone else is doing the cooking." Serena laughed as she swallowed her own scallop and washed it down with a sip of wine.

"I won't deny that, Rena." Alex raised her glass in salute. "Although at the same time I've missed it."

Serena took the bar stool next to Alex at the kitchen counter. "Aw babe, you know you can cook for me any time. Lord knows my wife can't hold a candle to you."

"You make a girl feel so loved Rena." Abbie said walking into the kitchen holding Noah who was cuddled into his aunts shoulder rubbing his eyes.

Alex jumped up from her stool and moved towards her son. "What's wrong sweetheart? Did you have a bad dream?"

Noah nodded his head and reached for his mother. "Mama?"

Alex's heart broke a little more as she held the boy close and stroked his back. "No baby, mama isn't here."

Abbie and Serena shared a look as they watched sadness wash over their friends face again. These last few months had taken a toll on Alex. They had hoped that the new year would bring happiness back to her.

"Guy's I'll be back, I'm going to go put this little guy back to bed." Alex kissed Noah's forehead. "Say goodnight sweetie."

"Night, night." Noah said puckering up for his aunts.

"Happy New Year, baby." Serena leaned in and kissed the sleepy child. "Tomorrow we'll go down to the park."

Noah beamed and nodded as Abbie kissed his cheek. "Maybe we can talk Mommy into some ice cream too."

Alex kissed both her friends on the cheeks and laughed. "Stop bribing my son with ice cream. If I'm not back before the ball drops, Happy New Year."

"Same to you babe." Abbie smiled as she pulled Serena closer. "I don't know how she does it."

Serena hugged her wife and watched her best friend walk up the stairs. "That makes two of us."

* * *

Alex sat in the rocking chair softly singing to Noah and rocking him while he drank his sippy cup, his eyes slowly drifting shut. Once he fell asleep Alex eased the cup out of his hands and just continued rocking and thinking.

The last few months hadn't been easy on her or her son. They both missed Olivia and going day to day had been hell on earth.

Looking down at the sleeping face of her son reminded Alex what kept her going. Noah needed her and she wouldn't let him down. Placing a kiss on his head Alex stood up and instead of putting him in his toddler bed, laid him in her own bed in the center so he wouldn't roll off. "Sweet dreams my love."

Not ready to go back to her friends she let herself out onto the patio and looked out over the DC skyline, any minute now the sky would be filled with fireworks welcoming the new year. Alex didn't feel like celebrating.

Arms wrapped around Alex from behind and she leaned into them figuring Serena had come to check on her. "It's awfully cold out here to not have a coat."

Alex spun around and gasped. "Olivia!" Throwing herself into her wife's arms she began to cry.

"Oh baby, please don't cry." Olivia held her close and kissed as much of her face as she could reach. "I've missed you so much Lexie."

Alex gathered herself long enough to grab Olivia's face and plant a kiss on her. "I was so scared that you weren't coming home."

"I refused to let that happen. I had too much waiting for me at home. I wasn't taking any risks, I had a family waiting for me at home." Olivia cupped Alex's cheek and kissed her nose. "Getting home to you and Noah was my main focus."

Alex leaned into Liv again, breathing in her essence. "He woke up a little while ago looking for you, he will be so excited to see his mama when he wakes up."

Olivia shivered and pulled Alex back inside the bedroom. "I can't wait to hold him tomorrow morning. I've missed you two so much these last few months. I can't believe I missed Christmas."

"When we go home we'll have Christmas as a family." Alex smiled rubbing her hands up and down Olivia's arms. "Sorry, I'm just making sure you're real."

"You never have to be sorry for touching me, I've missed your touch." Liv smiled pulling Alex over to the rocking chair and down into her lap. "I told them I won't go undercover again. I can't."

Alex sprang upright on Liv's lap and looked into her eyes. "Are you serious?"

"It was hard enough leaving you for the rare assignment but since we got Noah it's twice as hard. This last assignment reminded me what was most important to me and that's my family." Liv explained with tears filling her brown eyes.

"Call me selfish but that's the best news I've heard in a long time." Alex fell into Olivia's arms, putting all her feelings into the kiss she planted on her wife.

Loud cheers could be heard from downstairs and booms from outside as the clock struck midnight.

Olivia broke the kiss and leaned back smiling into Alex's blue eyes. "Happy New Year baby."

"Best New Year ever my love." Alex claimed another kiss and stood up pulling Liv with her. "Come Mrs. Benson, let's go cuddle and hold our son."

"Best idea ever baby." Olivia kicked her shoes against the wall and climbed into bed next to Noah, his body automatically tucking into Liv's side.

Alex smiled and grabbed her phone snapping a picture. "He's really missed having his mama home." Alex climbed in bed next to Noah and pulled the blanket up over the three of them.

"He's not going to have to worry about that anymore and neither are you." Olivia kissed Alex over Noah's head and they both wrapped their arms over their sleeping son and fell asleep.

* * *

"MAMA!"

Olivia and Alex woke to the loud scream and their son jumping up and down between them on the bed.

"Mama's home. Mommy, mama's home. " Noah said excitedly as he threw himself on top of Olivia and kissing her.

Alex was snapping pictures of her wife and son as she wiped the tears from her cheeks. "She's home sweetheart."

"Come here babe." Olivia said pulling Alex back down by her side. "Noah lay down so mommy can take our picture."

Olivia held her wife and son close while Alex took several pictures of them smiling and laughing.

There was a knock on the bedroom door followed by Abbie's head. "Good morning Cabenson family. Get dressed and come downstairs. You're never going to believe what happened last night."

"Abbie, Mama came home!" Noah jumped up again pointing at Olivia.

"I can see buddy. That was a nice surprise huh?" Abbie smiled at his excitement. "Come on, Aunt Rena is making breakfast."

"Pancakes?" Noah asked excitedly and started to run after Abbie.

"Oh no you don't young man." Alex caught him before he could get down. "Potty first and then we will go downstairs."

* * *

Alex and Olivia slowly walked down the stairs hand in hand as Noah slid down on his bottom in front of them.

"SANTA CAME!" Noah cheered as he spotted all the presents under the tree. "Mama, Santa come again."

Liv and Alex looked at each other and then over at their two best who were smiling while filming them and taking pictures. "Merry Christmas!"

"Where did all these presents come from?" Liv asked taking a seat next to Alex on the couch.

"Noah, get on mommy's lap so aunt Rena can take your picture." Abbie said putting two cups of coffee and a sippy cup on the table.

"Oh wait, Abs give them the santa hats first. Liv gets the white fur and Alex the black." Serena called to her wife.

"Gee, you're bossy this morning." Abbie teased handing the hats to her friends and turning to stare at her wife.

"I bet you weren't complaining last night." Alex deep panned as she put her hat on her head and tried to keep a straight face as Olivia and Serena burst out laughing.

"I see someone is in better spirits now that her better half is home." Abbie shot back throwing a candy cane at Alex.

"Couldn't be happier." Alex leaned over and kissed Liv. Noah beamed up at his mothers as Serena snapped a few candid shots.


End file.
